After many weeks of being in a downward, depressive slump, the reset button was very recently pushed!
It is an invaluable, nifty little button that, and it gets better. It was my own action, my own agency and choice which pressed it.
I was feeling trapped, repeating the same week over and over again. Seeking fulfilment in the familiar, in places that when I stand back and look at them, are not really so good for me.
But taking on the aspect of a harlequin and a jester, I organized a show which helped turn all that, brought many talented folk to the stage, and left me with a sense of euphoria and achievement, surrounded by the closest possible friends.
I have often read about how magic mushrooms and MDMA and the like can have this effect. Well who needs them! No high is going to come close to a successful performance, for this combines mastery built up over years with the fulfilment of my own narrative.
This is very good news indeed. All of my other ‘resets’ hitherto had been seasonal, something almost arcane. This was more direct.
I may not have the power to determine all my circumstances. And I may not have the power to completely react to those circumstances. But within this complex formula of self and destiny, I can at least make choices and carve out a place in the world such that the worst of depression and indignity can be blasted away for a time.
And sometimes a breathing space is all you need.