Going into a social situation is not a neutral experience. It is expressed as a situation which has qualities relative to the composition of its elements; often without taking into consideration the subjective element. For instance, a bar with a nice garden can be seen as possessing positive qualities in and of itself and therefore be promoted. But to someone with social anxiety, who will bring their traumatic experience with them, the bar could be a very difficult situation.
A ‘neutral agent’, such as the white, middle class ideal, may find similarity with another similar person’s experiences (of course, it is always subjective, but there are similarities between groups). However, everyone brings themselves to a situation. This must be remembered to ensure that social norms are not made into social oppressions. For instance, someone who finds small intimate groups difficult shouldn’t be forced to celebrate a birthday party, or seen as a ‘bad person’ because they find this difficult.
Personally I have faced ostracization on many occasions simply for not having the endurance to go into difficult social situations. Loud environments full of alcohol and hard drugs, ending with late nights of poor sleep, for me are like a form of living hell. To my peers it is an ideal night out. Perhaps because their psychic resources are not limited by trauma, emotional processing, and so forth, they can get away with a missed night and a battered immune system. I do not feel I can risk this.
When considering whether someone would enjoy a social situation, one needs to take into account the subjective history and the social identity of a person. We are not all ‘neurotypical’ (I highly doubt I am); some of us are suffering a constant inner-battle. And we are not all the ‘neutral’ agents of this society, namely white and middle class. Being placed in the wrong social category is a high cause of anxiety, doubly so when society seems to be teetering between xenophobia and progressivism.