Always Impossible

Always somewhere else

Always someone else

Always a different horizon

Always a greener pasture

Always a safer haven

Always a better answer

Always a happier day

Always a prettier maiden

Always somewhere else

But never here

Always something unseen

But nothing felt

Always something impossible

Always someone impossible

Always impossible

The essence of anxiety is a lack of security. The self, seeking to separate itself from theĀ  the dance of birth and death and rebirth that is the flux of all-things, isolates itself from nature. In a messy metaphycial divorce, it tears itself away from its earthly mother.

Once out of its natural being, the ego must fortify itself from its “vantage” position. But the more it fortifies, the more it needs to fortify, for there is always a gap in the castle walls. And the more you get, the more you have to worry about.

This burden of conscience builds and builds upon the back of the separated ego. Given our limited nature as fallible and vulnerable beings, eventually something will give, and the whole facade will fall. This is inevitable, but the separated ego does not want to face this reality.

So it looks forward to an imagined future. One it can never reach, but that is not a problem. To stop would be for it to reveal its futility. Something must keep it going.

I am a creature of this ego. Although I am aware of it, it still holds sway over me. Conditioning must be undone, but I imagine this takes time, and society does not make it easy to be a free, enlightened being interconnected with nature.

Still we must try.

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Present

Appreciate what you have, for all that you have was once among that which you desired. Appreciation requires this thought, to dispel the endless cycle of desire. Desire is to exist one step ahead of oneself in the pursuit of something; appreciation is to take pause in the present.

The future is unpredictable and the past is a mist, so the present is all we can actually know. To sacrifice the present for an unrealized actuality, or deny it for some past misery, is to ignore the sacred gift given us by the very fact of our conscious being.

Even painful moments (tooth ache!) are of this sanctity, when they are here. For, short of the worst suffering, we can endure anything, find the good in anything, and would be wise to remember this. There is a lesson to learn even in our pain, so trying to escape it is only to delay that suffering, not to deal with it. It is worth holding on. It is worth having hope. If nothing else, we have at least our now, with its multitude of lessons to be learned and joys to be experienced.

It will come, but it will go, it will seem forever, but nothing lasts. It will rain, the sun will shine, who knows which, learn to appreciate both, or else live in unfulfilled expectation.