Beneath a bright moon last night
I stared up on my knees.
A religious experience, of awe and connection.
Trembling, tormented contrition
For becoming an addict of petty stimulation
Going nowhere, shutting off nature
Needing the pain of another sleepless night
Beneath the bright moon to remind me
How I once shared its glory
And walked much more freely
Through winter cold
The scrape of bramble-thorns
On my clothes.
I feel sometimes a traitor to the cause
Of life on earth, natural gods
Yet I do not spite myself
Or feel much more than disappointment
None of us can afford to take the whole world
On our shoulders
No one is fully responsible
For the themes within us
For the madness of civilization.
All we can do is recognise this
Gradually realigning ourselves
To the order and chaos of gods such as bright moon
For we are half a chaos race
Chaos a necessity for our hearts to beat
And our souls to taste vital forces.
This the ego, seeking security
Seeking eternity, cannot accept
And so the gentle war inside me
And all of us who are not wholly wolf!
Beneath a bright moon last night I found a god
That was as much me as I was it
One of many, an ancient force.
I will not forget you again, my celestial
I will remember that I am a shard of your power
And eventually be magnanimous again.